The Forgotten Boy.

This is an example of the remarkable success that may come from using mediation as an alternate form of dispute resolution.

In this case, the husband and wife were divorcing and had not spoken to each other for years. He and his new wife were living in the farm's main house, while she was living in a much older house by the river and some ancient oak trees. Both parties were ready to move on with their lives; therefore, mediation was agreed upon.

Even though there was a lot of tension in the room when the mediator first came to the farm, they were able to work together for the first 30 minutes — realising that the dispute was about their son, buried underneath an oak tree. Half an hour later, they were both crying and talking to each other, relieved that they had finally found a way to listen to and understand each other after all these years.

His now-ex-wife accepted the divorce, but she insisted on remaining in the riverside home they shared after their 2-year-old son died in a car accident 20 years ago — where he was buried among the oak trees, she could visit him often. They learned that by communicating, talking and listening to each other, they were able to separate amicably and allow the wife to remain in the house where their only son was laid to rest.

What we learned.

• Mediation is not about winning. It's about being heard.
• Old grief sits underneath new disputes more often than we admit.
• An afternoon of mediation can do work that years of silence couldn't.